Solitude

"Solitude, the kind of elect ourselves, is met with judgement and enslaved by stigma. It is capacity absolutely essential for a full life."

                                                   By : Popova

Based on the statement above, I understand be alone is refer on decision-making by ourselves.

I choose to be alone, stay alone in library.
I choose to be alone, stay alone in Mcd.
I choose to be alone, stay alone in Gym.
I choose to be alone, eat alone in my place.
I choose to be alone, sleep alone with my pillows.
I choose to be alone, study alone in the class.
I choose to be alone, going class alone.

Choosing to be alone is not frighten matters. All are based on how to preferring to.
Some preferring accompaniments, some preferring alone.
What's wrong with that? Any issues on that?
Is it staying alone is harmful choices?

What do I believe in. Staying alone will bring stronger mindset to myself.
What do I believe in. Staying alone will bring confidence to myself.
What do I believe in. Staying alone will bring comfort to myself.

But what do people think of. When you being alone, they feel pity on you.
They feel there is not right to be alone.
Asian, is there any wrong to staying alone?
Please do change your mind. okies?

Staying alone doesn't mean you are loneliness .
Staying alone doesn't mean you are not social able.
Staying alone doesn't mean you are not friendly enough.
Staying alone doesn't mean you are issues.

Everyone has the right to be what they want to be.
You can care about but not too over.
You cannot force someone to join into the group.
I prefer to stay alone.
One day, two days, or more. SO??? any issues.

Staying alone from someone does it mean you have any conflict with someone.???

Please do not think on it?

FwB

FwB stand for Friends with Benefits.

That's right. 

Today topic is friends with benefits. I believe that there is always exist especially at here, United Kingdom. In this new semester, I truly believe it is exist and it happened on me !

I been kick out from my housemates, K,H,O, & S..  I felt hurt, I felt sad, I felt I'm being left out. 

This is truly hurting me so badly. Another incident is about I am separating food stuff with them because I planning to get my body back and stop gaining weight ! Again, felt being left out again on the first day.

Therefore, I was trying to adjust my mood and perspective. I was keep reminding myself, not to care too much, not to care too much. In sudden, I felt I'm being left out and so lonely. I got nothing to say, got no one to say. I messaged all of besties, trying to ask for accompaniment to chase out the loneliness. However, there were one or two replied me and stop without telling. 

BUT there is one of Friend, one of my besties replied me and trying to comfort me another way. I really love this of feeling. She always point out some points which are really useful and mood turn good in few chats. How could I live without her! She always here for me, although not 100% free when I need a chat, but she is still willing to stay aside me and giving me some strength ideas. Therefore, FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS is not exist between her and I. I'm appreciate. I really do.

However, those with friends with benefits are really good. They are just friend, Friendship arise only in 20 Holmdale Road, Filton, BS34 7HT, Untied Kingdom. That's great, they are good enough, but they will not turn to be my best friend anyway. They are just part of my life, important guests in my life, but they never be VIP in my life. Same thing, I think they are having same idea with me. After we graduate from UWE. We are going to spilt out!. You know why? First, In Uk, they are just close while they are in UK, Not in Malaysia, because, there are much more important persons are waiting for them. Second, each of them is going to back to their home place. Third, there is nothing extra to play in United Kingdom, except in Home, ( to avoid spending and to studying).

How? Anything come into your head now after reading my Post. Will you agree or disagree with my point.

It's sad, but there is fact, a truth. We can't avoid this especially we are staying abroad. Things never happen in Malaysia because we just meet during class and few meals only. We still spending our time on important persons or family because all of our families are at Malaysia, not United Kingdom. 

It's good to stay with u guys. I learn a lot, maybe there are much more to learn in the future five or six months time. No matter in a good way or in a bad way. You guys still part of my life. Surely, I will not forget my bestie, Kuei Rou. She is good girl ! 

Thanks 

Emma 

Fix on it

Fix , Fix, Fix, Fix...

I'm going fix myself.

What are things I need fix on it !.

First,
Studies, always is most important part of my current life.
Final year, is not a easy task and it never be easy.
English is not my first language, it make situation worst because unclear definition of sentences might cause fail of my assessment. It is always a tough task for me. Never end till the rest of my life.


Second,
Personal Financial Management.
Story never end with money. That's always true.  WE can't live without money, but money can't buy everything. for sure, I want to save money as I can, but the situation seems like I am keeping spending money. I have no idea why ?!!!! Change Change Change Change Change..
Keep reminding myself. oh yaa.. SAVE SOME FOR TRAVEL !!!

Third,
Body.. I WANT TO SLIM DOWN!!!! Okies, There is deal and a rule for myself.
Since February 2014, I will apply "The GYM" to start my slim down program.
Meal is going to change as well as I sign up the gym. I need to stay for it . ! okies ?

Four,
My hair... Haiz.. this is most difficult part to cure for it.
Protein, Supplements .. Never stop crave for these......
Am I lack of vitamin or what ? Or others issues???
I need to wait till back to Malayisa visit DR. Ranjit only able to cure it.....

What else to FIX on?

Relationship?? ehmmm,, Really have no idea how to fix it this on..
It appear when he comes, it won't appear as he did not come.
Mr, Right is always busy to find me. so, Just wait with patiently...

hehehe..

Career, after complete my studies first, or I could send out my resume now for a try.

NEVER TRY NEVER KNOW!!

Assignmentssssss

Assignment Assignment Assignment 2000 words 2000 words 2000 words 40% 50% 20% 25%.

arghhhhhhhhh...

OMG, Oh my gosh. 

It is super stresss to deal with all assignments !..

Keep telling myself breath in ~ breath out ~

keep calms and move out.

Hard way to go ~ long way to go ~

you should go without any doubt since you have make this decision. 

for sure, there is comfort zone in Malaysia , spoon feed by taylor's lecture, tips from lecture.

Seriously, I have no idea why I come United kingdom o further my study, This question popped out in sudden. I have forget what is the reason pushing me to come over here until my friend had remind me, "Think of why you planned to come over for your studies?" at that moment, I'm awake !

Yes, I came over here is because I want growth, I want to experience more, Explore more, although I am not smart enough, I am not clever enough. pass or second class should be not issue for me if I really put effort on it. Therefore, is it time change my behaviour: do not give up until the time has reach. Everything can be change after you have put your effort on.

What else? Read more, although I keep remind myself to read more, but I'm still fail to do so. In order to so, fast fast finish all drama.. Mauahahahaa.. (sound so ridicule ) 

of course not . just kidding.. really need to did a lot of reading. For myself, For my parents. 

TO Avoid make my parents feel down on me.. Of course. pass is the minimum line I can go on. I wish I could able go higher, higher and higher. Stress is the main component ! without you, there is nothing can push me, motivation is another component ! keep motivate myself to pushing up my grade and study.! 

Always remember on cost that parents spend on me, how much love they toward me, how much caring of them toward me. expectation of them, i could able to complete my degree. !

One last thing,,,,, Did ONE FOR YOURSELF, EMMA !!!!!

Grab your bright future for yourself.. No one is going to help you in forever time! 

They are just temporary helper, in long term, they will treat you as burden ..

You know, BURDEN !

Don't become burden of others !!!!!!

Promise to yourself ! okies?

Best,

Emma Yap 

念家

原来。。

来了第一个月，过了一个月，经历了一个月。
我终于承认我很想家。

我很想立刻飞会大马，我家。
这不件很羞耻的一件事，而是我很庆幸的知道我很想念我的家人。

一来住宿的问题.
二来天气的问题.
三来心情的问题.
四来读书的问题.

住宿, 虽然知道相处容易，相住难。
这一句完完全全体验到。
九个月的时间，说长不长，说短不短。
却还是一段时间.

凌晨才睡，晨早就醒。
思绪却飞回我家，万津。
我的家乡......睡也不想睡多。总觉的很浪费时间。
心思却飞回我家乡.


原来“怕想家” 的那一首歌。
我却害怕去听了。

天气,时而接受，时而受不了。
皮肤却因天气而受影响。

沉默

今天我看了一篇文章。。。

说实在的，我真的很认同。无论男或女都非常知道的这一点。

不要让你的男人或女人对你感到沉默。

可是说实在的我就感受到那种沉默感。

完完全全的感到沉默。

不知道也不想知道得去问去答。

“對愛你的女人，你可以讓她哭，讓她受委屈，但不要讓她沉默，因為無言是一種最深的傷痛，是一個女人最大的哭泣。你要知道，女人最愛傾訴，不管生活有多苦多難，無論她有沒有心事，她都想和你講述關於她的一切，這是她愛你的最好方式。如果有一天，她突然安靜了，你們的感情也到盡頭了“

而这一点完全的把我的感受给说了出来。因为安静，而让我受不了。我很想与你分享你的一切，而你让我感到你在敷衍我。是我的问题吗？还是。。。。 你让我哭了两次，而我选择吞下这苦瘤。当作是上天给的考验。而考验是让我更明白时间会证明一切。而我选择放手，让一切回归应当的位置，身份。

Exploration Of Life - Underwater

A new experience came as I decided to get new skill which is Diving !.
Open Water Course is for every beginner wish to get diving license. Therefore, My friend and I decided to take this and get a license, a lifetime license.
Okies. It's time to have small brief of the equipment bahx.

1. BCD
2. Weight
3. Mask
4. Wetsuit
5. Fins
6. Tank
7. Regulator
8. The most important is Youself !

Well, I thought it is very tough to set up those equipment at first sight. I am able to set up all equipment within 10 minutes after few times practice in the confine water. Learn how to breath ( Mouth breathing, Inhale and exhale).  Learn how to deflate and inflate your BCD ( so you are able ascend and descend). Put on weight ( help to descend). Mask up ( able to see underworld-new world; Fish, carol),Fins ( Dave your energy because able to move fast on one kick). Tank ( then you are able to breath in the underwater ya). Regulator ( Equipment to get oxygen). Youself ( Fully basic skill and enjoy with buddy).

Moreover, Pre-Dive Buddy check is most important step.. If do not wish there is another accident happen. Try to complete before starting to dive. This is because your buddy ensure your safety on which you might not noticed for example, check on deflate and inflate working, regulator working, tank is open, every equipment is well prepare and good condition. It makes you feel secure to dive after got this check.

 

Well Prepare and ready to wear ! Ready to WAR !

Briefing with all buddies is must. 

After briefing, we are ready to dive, become fish and ready to war! 

That's me ! ready to dive .. heheheh

When you stay in underwater. Everything annoying stuff gone.. What left? Calm, Peace and New world discover ! How amazing, awesome.  Gorgeous !

Let introduce my Dive Master !

Both are Malay but they are friendly especially the first Dive Master. He helps me carried my tank for twice. Really feel thankful to him and really awesome skill and hold my tank When we are in strong current. 

Thank You Sifu !!!

Let introduce my diver buddies. I can't remember some of their name.. But I'm able to remember their face ya.  

 Qifays

 Zainal 

Bryant

Diving is fun thing. We could able to make new friend, enjoy the new world and improve skill. There are so many benefits of diving. Why no you start joining today. It sound like Advertisement but it is really fun to join Dive club or Dive activities. It really fun, awesome ! I miss it after the first try. Trust me, you are not longer playing snorkeling only after you know how to dive !. You are only go dive when you visit any island !. 

Come on ! Join me !
 

Last one. ! Group Picture

 

Good Luck Dude and happy Diving !

Warm Regards, 

Emma Yap